TW: suicide
“Until I studied in a boarding school from class 6 till high school, I never knew the essence of independence. I had to learn to do everything for myself. The norm is that the youngest in the family is the ‘chechey’ (most pampered) but at mine, everyone was treated the same. Despite being the youngest, I wasn’t spared the household responsibilities. We were farmers, afterfall.

Even at that time, when I couldn’t possibly earn for the family, I did part-time work so I could make my own pocket money. My family has always been my anchor, supporting me through all means. The intelligence I lacked in academics, I made up with hard work & diligence. In school, I was a timid boy. I decided to change for the better because in today’s world it seems the more confident you are, the more charm you display. I worked on building my confidence.

As much as possible, I tried to make the best use of my time in college. I kept on improving myself as a person & at the same time, I made good memories with friends. Not taking up the habit of reading as a child is my only regret in life. I now know the importance & how much it defines us & shapes our mentality. Being farmers, we were not encouraged to inculcate such habits & it somehow challenges my writing & speaking skills.

However happy a person seems, they’re always carrying some sort of regret or sorrow that others fail to see. Likewise, I’m still haunted by the memories of my two friends who died from suicide together. We were small back then & didn’t know any better. Yet, I felt like I could have done something.

Each one of us is fighting a battle of our own but some come out victorious while some face defeat. So, I think it’s how we process our thoughts & behaviours that gets us through, unscathed. Promising to keep on going despite hardships is what a survivor’s mindset is about. Even though my parents’ marriage failed, they never let us down. We were given all the love & attention we needed while growing up. I appeared for RCSE but sadly I couldn’t get through. I now volunteer at Vtob which is an educational social service.”

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