“It seemed like life always took something from me. It’s unfair. But I always kept on going for the little things in life. I wanted to graduate, get a job and live a good life. But the more time passed, the more disappointments came my way. I prayed for 2021 to be good but it hasn’t really been that way. The beginning of the year, I was happy to be starting my final semester at college. That’s when I got a call from my aku asking me to come to Thimphu as soon as possible. He said my mother was sick. I prayed for nothing to happen to her and immediately took leave to go see her. I desperately wanted to be with her again. While waiting at my cousin’s house, I casually scrolled through Facebook. I saw a post. My whole body went cold. Someone had posted a picture of my mother, captioned “Rest in peace.” I started screaming at aku to take me to her. At the cremation ground, I stood looking at her- pale and no more. It was too much to bear. I remember wishing it was me there instead of her. I cried and cried. My chest hurt even just from breathing. I wondered how I’d take care of my siblings. I wanted to be there for them but I also needed to complete my studies. My mother would’ve wanted me to. So I went back to college after everything settled.

Life kept moving on and things kept changing around me, but her loss weighed heavily on me. Nothing could bring me the comfort that her mere presence always had. I can’t explain this to someone who hasn’t lost a parent. No pain comes even remotely close. My mother was my best friend, my safe, the one who made me into a strong woman. My heart sinks every time I walk past someone else’s mother. I feel a sense of permanent grief. No form of consolation from my family or friends could alleviate the suffering. I’ve also realized that even family can turn their backs on us especially when we really need them. It has taught me to be cautious of people and their intentions. I know and accept that death is part of life and everyone has to go through it. Yet, the pain of my mother’s passing surpasses all extent of logic. I hope she knows that I will always remember and love her.”

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