TW: suicide

“I don’t remember how, but when I realized, I was already into drugs. I was only 8 & not even in school. There are a lot of reasons to name but at the end, we only have ourselves to blame.

I grew up with habits, like drinking and smoking that are deemed disgraceful by society. I even had a bad temper. However, I was good at studies & games, & liked singing too. Appreciation came hard due to the other side of my personality; bad habits are what people judge you for more. In the village, hardly anyone talked with me nicely, including my own family. With time, they seem to have given up on me.

I was ignored by all & I couldn’t understand the reason. But now, I know why. It was clearly in their rights to do what they did. I was below all their expectations. All I knew was getting into fights after drinking, smoking weeds & other harmful substances.

For years, there were no changes in me & life moved on. In class 9, I got into a serious fight in the school after being drunk. Cops were called & they discussed sending me to a rehab, but upon my father’s request, a 12 day suspension was all I got. But the humiliation & letting my family down didn’t come easy on me. I tried taking my life thrice & slipped into a serious depression. I don’t know how I survived those turmoils.
I lit a cigarette, threw it, picked it up & threw it again. The withdrawal came in the form of headaches & stomach aches. I suffered from occasional episodes of hallucinations but finally, all those habits were behind me for good. After more than 8 years of straying, the right path opened on my face.

I started seeing the world as beautiful. The grass was greener on my own side of the fence. Seeing these changes, people started putting their hopes on me. Often life is a tug of war where we have to move backwards to win.

If you find your life hard & feels like quitting, think of me who was into depression, attempted suicides & yet still survived. Just give yourself time & things do fall back on their own. But never give up and never quit.”

#HumansofThimphu #HumanStories #Thimphu

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