TW: Suicide

“I lost one of my closest friends to suicide, and nothing has been the same ever since. We met in middle school. Her amiable nature allowed her to approach me first and just like that we were the best of friends. We became as close as sisters. She was very sociable and open minded. Whenever we were down, we could count on her to cheer us up. She never seemed bothered about what others said about her, and was generally a happy person. She had the kind of strength that allowed the rest of us to feel confident in ourselves too. I think it was this personality of hers that made everything even more shocking.

It happened when I was in college and she was repeating class 12. We were both 19. The only difference was I would go on to be 20 and then 21, and she wouldn’t. No one knew why she decided to kill herself. Her family and friends are still clueless to this day. After her passing, all I did was wish I had talked to her more. Communicated with her more. No one would have guessed she was going through depression or any sort of trouble. Even if she did, she was extremely good at hiding them. Around the time she passed away, she was like most people remember her—happy, social and friendly. I still can’t believe she isn’t with us anymore. Losing a loved one is always difficult, but some losses are harder to comprehend. Everything I did reminded me of her; our memories played on a loop in my mind. To feel better, I told myself that perhaps it was karma, a cycle of death by suicide as mentioned in religion. I know that if I could’ve helped her, I would’ve.
If you’re going through anything at all, please reach out to people who love you. Sometimes we feel alone but there are always those who care. Communicate your emotions, don’t drown trying to deal with your problems alone.

My favourite memory of her is from when we’d write letters to our crushes and talk about them. She was always by my side, my confidante. If I could talk to her one more time, I would tell her that I’m here for her, no matter what. I’d tell her that her boldness was her strongest trait, and I will try to remember her that way.”


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