TW: Suicidal feelings
“My first epilepsy attack was when I was 3. My parents tell me that I stared at the wall with white eyes. It was only when I was at the hospital that I regained consciousness and asked for them. I started medication after that. It was just one type of medicine at the time but I was still having difficulty coping with it. When I started getting better, my parents thought it was okay to stop the medication, but it only got worse. I got seizures more frequently and got prescribed with more medication. I had to take them thrice a day without delay. But in school, I sometimes forget to take my afternoon medication. I was just a normal kid hanging around with her friends. As a result, I’d feel dizzy or have a seizure. In class 10, I was stressed about how I’d get through the year. I’m on medication for depression too. I self-harmed, sometimes hoping that I’d cut deep enough into my arms and die. My apa takes me to the hospital to get my medicine, and the immense amount of worry I cause him makes me feel like a burden. When I told him, my stepmom, and my friends about my suicidal thoughts, they really helped me. I was sent to live with my grandparents for 2 months in the middle of the school year so I could feel better. I somehow qualified for a government school at the end of the year. But my new school is far from home and I often walk for an hour when apa wasn’t around to drop me. I even had an attack on the way to school one day.

At my new school, I don’t have many friends. I tell everyone about my epilepsy. I understand that some people don’t want to be friends with someone who has a health problem. I just think it’s best to be upfront about it. I only have two friends in class. They’re both boys and they help me whenever I get sick. Most girls are reluctant to befriend me, and even those who do often ignore me after a while. I miss my friends from my old school. People with epilepsy are too often stripped of their dignity. There are still many people who don’t understand that this is just a disease. The seizures I get now are a lot worse than they were a few years ago and I have no plans about what I might do in the future. For now I just try to get through my day and take my medicine on time.”

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